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Drunken Monkeys & Our First Deployment

February 24, 2014

Saying “Our First Deployment” seems a little selfish considering he is the one deploying and risking his life for the safety of others.  As a Navy Girlfriend it is easy to say “my boyfriend being in a war zone is so hard for me, i’m worried sick” but how is he feeling right now?  He is currently on a plane to Afghanistan unaware of how or where he is living and what his day-to-day life is going to be out there.  I can’t imagine being in his shoes.
Long distance relationships are tough, that I will admit.  If our problems only extend as far as “Why aren’t you talking more?  Why aren’t you opening up?” than I say we have a pretty good chance.  It’s easy to get caught up in the little things and not see the big picture.
I read these horror stories about deployments and it does scare me, but I try to bring myself down to earth and think, “he is going to be okay”.  If I wasn’t so sick right now and my mind wasn’t such a cloud, I think I would be crying a lot more.  I’ll save that for the moment when it really sinks in and the times where I go days or weeks without hearing from him.
I know for us this deployment is different-most couples I read about had previously lived together or at least in the same state and going from that to little to no communication is an insane change.  I’m used to not being able to talk to him at all hours of the day and only skyping once or twice a week so in a way I feel that makes it easier.
I’m trying to steer myself away from googling statistics and researching Afghanistan.  The Buddah described the human mind as being filled with drunken monkeys–anxious, restless, uncontrollable thoughts.  Monkey thoughts come out of the jungle of your mind and attack during times like these.  I think the best thing to do when these drunken monkeys come to find you is to dismiss them.  Everything will be okay.  
Another monkey that comes creeping in is the pity monkey.  “Awww…how ARE you?  Are you okay??  I would be so scared, he could DIE out there”.  I can’t give in to these thoughts or it will ruin us.  No one is going to make me feel sorry for myself, and I will not let Kevin think that he is responsible for any of my unhappiness when he is away.
I like to think that I have become a very strong person.  I also do have a life of my own.  Will I think about Kev every single day?  Of course, but I would do the same if he were 5 minutes away because he is the love of my life.  I have a good job that keeps me busy, MANY hobbies, family and friends…we will both spend the next 4 months accomplishing the tasks at hand and after that we will reunite and start planning our future together.  If 4 months is all I have to wait to spend the rest of my life with him, I’m okay with that.  
Kevin’s mom had said to me that it takes a certain type of person to be a Navy mother or a Navy spouse, I think that I have what it takes…but only time will tell.  This is day one and tonight there are no monkeys allowed.

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